Centre of my Life

A song I just learned. The lyrics is good- making Jesus the centre of our life, responding to Him with all we have, stepping out from the comfort zone, the unknown, and trusting the Lord of the things ahead, letting go our the comfort, holding on to Him, in the fear- replace wth peace...

Centre Of My Life
Jonas Myrin, Natasha Bedingfield

Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole and my eyes on You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You

PreChorus:
Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God

Chorus:
You are the Centre of it all
The universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all
I make You the Centre of my life
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song

Verse 2:
I have found Your peace,
it replaces any fear
You have done it all, I can trust in You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You

Bridge:
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings healing to this land
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings freedom

Song for the season

10th March 2006,

Friday. It's lunch time, just back from Adventist hospital, just to get a chop from Dr. Elizebeth, and get some goodies for Kawai, yum yum. Bought some muffins and biscuit for the department too, later have Department Meeting. Had been 2 months, we have been slagging behind. Just heard from Boey Trini just delivered BB Boy, wah..tht's so fast, 2 BB in a year, and she can stand. Awesome!...

I wanna post this song in the blog. Other than "heal me O Lord" this song will be the song of the season. The lyrics ministered to my heart, even in the darkest hour, even where You seems far away- I need Your grace- it's by Your grace for me to Sing, and I will Sing...Sing Praise to You...

I will Sing

(Don Moen-Hosanna Intergrity)

Lord You seem so far away

A million miles or more it feels today

And though I haven't lost my faith

I must confess right now

It's hard for me to pray

But I don't know what to say

And I don't know where to start

But as You give the Grace

What all that's in my heart

I will sing; I will praise

Even in my darkest hour

Through the sorrow and the pain

I will sing, I will praise

Lift my hands to honour You

Because Your Word is true

I will sing

Lord it's hard for me to see

All the thoughts and plans You have for me

But I will put my trust in You

Knowing that You died to set me free

But I don't know what to say

I don't know where to start

But as You give the Grace

With all that's in my heart

Thank You Lord, for You never let me go, and You understand the deepest of the deep in me, Thank you Lord for loving me the way I am, just the way I am, and accept me just being me. Thank you Lord, for that Grace you give- and that carry me on, that Grace, that Love carry me on. Thank you Daddy!

Heal me O Lord, and I will be healed

7th March 2006,

6.47pm Wednesday evening in the hospital. Today Ms Tan on-leave, then I've been sitting front to do DrugMaster setup for new system transfer. Oh gosh, my eye so weak now, am so tired. I work through my lunch, till I forgotten that Management Meeting is 2.30pm. I was half an hour late for meeting- walking in so 'selamba', and sit far end from boss. Boring. All the big big HODs and the discussion. Not in tune with the flow of the meeting. Nothing much from my department, did not measure the performance tho'- expect all should be fine and well.

I
Previous blog said about "Floating". I decided to change Cell, I hope I make a right decision after so long thoughts. Which one to go? Not sure- Can't say now, wanna go all round, and shop around- to have the experience when I'm just newly join church-fresh from start. But are you serious about that? What do you want to achieve? What's the criterias? I don't know. Probably I want more serious Cell, a cell that is strong in the Words, and environment that I can grow. This doesn't mean that I am not growing in DU. It' just that I'm probably in the stagnant mode that I need some push up. Oh 'push up'?? How can you say that? No one can push you, you got to make effort. I know I know..make effort, I know, but I just need the condusive environment to make effort. Oh, I don't know- I can't explain that. I also don't know what I want..sob sob.

I got a cassette from Lily Kang (Merck). It's Don Moen- God will make a Way. One of the song is Heal me O Lord. I love this song. It just ministered in my heart, as if my heart has been so full of burdens and worldly concerns, that it has been so less of Him but more of Me. Oh how the heart has been wandered from the passion. O Lord, help me to draw back to You, heal me O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved....You are the one I praised. Give You this heart. Like the people of Israel that has been wandering away from you, has forgotten Your wonderful work. Hw easy these sheep wandered away, yet Yur love is so great- neve failed to bring us back. Hodling us in the palms of Your hands. Always there whenever we turn back to You. Help me Father to be consistently loving You, staying in the right Faith. Faith Lord...Increase my faith, one step ahead, when You drawing 999 steps forward, just a step ahead. Pls Lord- be patience with me, I'm trying to walk that small step. I need to do it, not because I must, because I want to, because I love You Lord!

Floating.....a place to belong?

4th March 2006,

Saturday morning-10.56am, am working, outside girls are chatting- probably not much of patients. Just now test Urine Dipstick- Sugar NAD, Albumin ++, oh dear, not a good result. Hope mum able to successfully pass the Prudential Insurance Policy, or else it'll be blacklisted and not able to get any in the future. Yeah, insurance policy- why I'm so worried? Rest assured in God, if she get she'll get, or else don't worry- trusting God's the ultimate protector of His children. If can get, praise the Lord, if not, also praise the Lord- so don't fret Shirley, don't need to. Later will see what Dr. Leong said about the result.

Yeah- floating, Am I floating? Last night I joined Zion/Marcus's CG, and A2J/Roland's CG. Celebrating Joanne's Bday. Had fun, behaving pretty wild- unlike the Shirley that people's know. Pr. always said to 'be yourself'. Am I myself? I think I am myself, sometimes to behave childlike, or even childish, sometime serious, and sometimes moody, sometimes stern non-smile look. It's just how I behave in different environment, does that means I have a spilt personality? I don't think so. It's a flexibility. Yet such flexibility should also be guarded carefully, that the reaction and response will something that is 'faking out'. You'll know it deep within, the genuine or the fake. Whatever it is- all actions should be flow out from you, yourself. A child of God, accepted by God the way He created you, loved by JC.

Mum is now in A/S. Will be there for a week. She has been independant- not sure she'll be ok alone there. Always a concerned. Wish sis will be back- at least I can share my burden, but she's happy in Johor, don't think it's good idea to force her back. She's growing well- with church, cell and the accountable friends there. One thing I admire about her, able to open up- strong inside. Myself appeared to be strong outside, yet inside is so weak and fragile. Our "position in Christ"- very well said. Probably it's for me to rediscover my position in Him, and to grab the promise, grab hold of that love of Christ. I know it's there- freely ascessible, 24 hours available, died for me on the Cross- take away my shame, renewed me. Loves me so so much. Yet, it seem hard to hv the breakthrough- something entangles, need tp push push and push, and tired, sometimes just feel like giving up. Life is as such. Again, a paradign shift of our perspective, how we look at things. You are what you thinketh. How true. All should channeled back to the WOG. Let that be life, let the Word be life, to breath life and transform life. Reconcilation is one time, transformation is on-going. Yet reconcilation should be the first to get right with before transformation. Yes, I've reconcilled to Him, yet there're still many things I should get reconcilled before the transformation.

O Lord, I trust in You, and I really did- where else can I turn to, for You hold the Word of eternal life. I trust You holding up my life in the palms of Your hands; before I utter any words, You already knew it, such knowledge is too marvelous and wonderful for me to phantom. I trust, not with my mouth- but with my heart, and thoughts, I trust.

March- another month...

2nd March 2006,

6.38pm. Time up, yet still in the office, has been a while didn't do blog, now trying to think wht to write. Has been a while, it's so fast, alreadt March. Today kinda busy, with work, e-THIS thingy with it's date due had just keep me busy. Life is the same, nothing much to share about. Cell Group the same I guess, I think my deli delly attitude just pull me aside to decide what to do and where I should be heading. This Fri CG at Philip's house, but I told Eric I'm gonna visit Jon's Cell, might just end up his Cell, not too sure. Starting another 2 weeks the Cell will meet in church for CWMC, at that point also not sure which Cell to join in. Floating, yeah floating and it's not that good- yet trusting God to lead me, somehow to lead me to a place, to grow.

Just now mum came for check up, for ME to get new Prudential Insurance Policy. Wow, the premium is really high, 250 per-month, means will be 3k per-year. Not sure what's Christian view about insurance. It's about protection, more of to protect and also saving, yet the Bible said that He will watch over us, and protect us, and He will provide, why do we wanna get insurance then? Some Christians has very strong oppose on the buying insurance- it shows our lack of trust in the Lord. I bought insurance for own, and family. Yeah, I don't see any reason of showing lack of trust. It's more of the motive- what's our motive? No right or wrong.

Gonna be going to KL again this 11 March for Avastin Launching. Hope to meet up with Angie, Keong and Kawai. A time to go off from Penang. But will usually feel tired. Will be travelling quite often in the future. April will have another symposium ISOPP X at Hilton, then May 3 rd week will be going to Singapore for a week for NCC attachment. Has been running around, travelling and floating. Oh Lord, what do You want me to learn in such time as this?

Avillion.. there I come

20th February 2006,

Monday 5.51pm, it's a busy day. Taking things slowly and steadily, one thing at a time. A lot to work on. Just got back from Avillion, a nice place- first time sharing room with other participant, but it was good- coz sharing with Olivia- catching up with her, and shared on the CA memories and updates. Hotel is nice, open air bathroom, I enjoyed the who seminar. The participant very much outgoing and open, they're Singaporean girls, 25 participant, all girls except one guy. We had fun time- most of the participant very young, so we have team building- and also presentation on the different group. I'm in Roman Empire group, and we're given Roman Empire dress, One King's dress- for Caesar and another 4 for ladies, Egyptian dress. So we form a drama, dance for the King, to pick his wife to be. I dance Chinese papar-fan dance. Hmm..not bad, quite fun. We finally won 1st prize- got a free foot massage service, but I gave it away to others coz I got to catch a flight the next day. Learn quite a lot in the seminar. Interaction with the Singaporean gives me some insights. Even though I'm usually quiet, yet I can know a few people, and tht's good enough. Shld need to keep in touch, hope to see them again.

Yeah, Monday Blues. Working life has been okie. A lot things yet to finalize- on new projects and planning for extension of CDR, yet taking my time, slowly. Learn on delegation, and asking God for wisdom each day. Talk to Celina just now, yeah- shared about brother, and family. Last night chat with mum has been in my heart- yeah, expectation again. Why did I placed such high expectation on brother? Have I been understanding enough? I should silence up, and not justify anymore. Rest it to the Lord, and may He guide the family. The life of Job- He gives and He take away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Can I praise Him in times of imperfection, in times of shaking? My level of trust, and the stillness. Pr Sam's sermon for Sunday has been good- all come back to the Word of God. How much have we really soak ourselves in the Word of God? Hw passionate are we? How hungry are we? How's our response after the Word? Grieve and repents then what?..then what? What should be the reaction? Take it with joy.. joy in His Word.

Father, forgive me for being lagging in drawing in Your Word. You've run 999 steps to reach out to me, and it requires only a step from me. Forgive me for such lack of faith and trust. Father I wanna run back to Your Word, not by might, not by power but by Your Spirit. Yes, it require a little step, and I'm coming Daddy, please bear with me. Thank you, work in me each day. Through good time or bad time, I know Lord You're near, so near, so so near...praise You Lord. Holy Spirit work deep in me. Thank You! Amen!

Testing 1,2, 3...Blogging Picture:)

Ehhh...?? Who is this? Cun Babe..."I'm Ms. Dew, call me Peace", her name is Dew_Peace :DDDD

Hehe..never bother to play on the blog till today. Got to wait till 7.30pm for Support-Group dinner. I should write something about myself then, since this can be published. What can I say...Simple, yet deep; Ordinary yet Extra-Cautionary; Gentle& Caring (duh..) yet Complex, Sweet, and Cute- yet Fierce. Soft, and Fragile yet Tough and Stubborn, don't mess with her;)

I remember I put this in my Friendster: "Bipolar-mixed personality;
Chol-Phleg-Melancho-Sang (20%-25%-50%-5%) Loved by JC.

Anyhow, I always been reminded of His Word in Psalms, that's how how my Daddy manufacture me :D

Psalms 139:13-16
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
[b] Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

Open the eyes of our Heart, Lord

9th February 2006,

It's 2.13pm, Thurs afternoon. Just took bread for lunch, tonite have a CNY dinner with cancer patient support group. Will be staying in hospital then. I forgotten to ask my pharmcists to attend, no only telling them and they said they got plan already-so later I'll be going alone. Work has been good- planning for new renovation for our new unit. Quite excited over it. Becoming an architect cum pharmacist now, trying to sort out how to renovate my little new castle- the clean-room, the positioning of the emergency shower, getting quotation from suppliers. I guess I'm quite slow- don't know a lot of things, not sure about right procedures, feeling like I'm as if like a gun that shooting randomly, all plan half here half there...maybe I'm too 'tamak' want to do everything- so that at least I touch a little here and there. Good and bad, good coz I'll have wider scope on more projects and more new things to do, but bad- coz it'll lack of depth. But overall, have not receive and bad inputs on my job performance. Boss has been a goodman, even though he's rather quiet, don't really speak a lot, but I work well with him. I have alot flexibility and I don't want to abuse that, will only use if needed. I think boss also trust me a lot. Okay la so far...

Last night Prayer-Drive. I drove around Century Bay apartment, then around BJ court. Our group pray for the Migrant worker: Kasturi, Ps Mei, Ken and Caroline, myself one car. The prayer drive is good, we really sense the presence of God surronds us. Even though the prayer list has been given but the Lord impressed us to pray with new light, new scope. Our car got a lot prayer warriors- Pr Mei and Kasturi and Ken really wonderful people. I always very encourage by this sort of people that so passionate on the work of Ministry. Indeed the harvest field is plentiful- see how the Lord open the door bringing so many migrant worker to Malaysia, Nepal, Vietnamese, Bangladeshi. It's open door, it's time for church to rise up. It's Kairos time- for the churches aroud to wake up and take the call. But why is our heart so complacent and so hard to move? Am questioning myself too- wht is God calling me in the area of evangelism, or mission? Awaken the Sleeping Giant....awaken that sleeping giant, awaken- Wake up. Now is the time! Can't you see it? Open our Spiritual Blindness eyes. The Word is there, the Word is life, how are we receiving it? Are we hungry and long for His Word?

O Lord, forgive us for being sleeping, a sleeping giant. Over contented, complacency, blinded by the worldly system, our eyes has not seen our ear has not heard, our heart has not understand what You're doing admist of us. Forgive us Lord, for building our own houses, and forgetting your altar, Your house. Forgive us for pitching the tents so many times, yet never laid any altar..How wretch of us. Yet You loves us, you loves me and give Your life for me- on the Cross of Calvary. That precious blood, the gift of life, how can we comprehend. Help me not to loose the focus of such love and free gifts. It's time- Open the eyes of my Heart Lord!

Earliest Sleeping Time

7th February 2006,

8.42am, last night was my earliest sleeping time- 10am already Zzzzz, so sweet and sound, plan to adjust the clock to wake up early in the morning 6am, but keep on snooze my H/P alarm each time it ring. Oh dear...I'm so lazy, battling to wake up. End up- praying in prostrate position- praying for family and working place. Babbling through, decided to put on my feet to wake up. Oh, Shirley- what a discipline. Got to work out my body, sleep early rise up early. Oh, now I feel even as I slept for more than 8 hours, yet the body and bones seems so tired and rusty, is that sign of aging? Or, got to plan for something more challenging to do.

Today Ms Tan, my store-keeper on leave. Anything happen to the stock issue will come to me. Am not very happy to handle stock issue- always have the idea pharmacist's job should not concern stock- it's more of patient-care but the situation now has change. Am I being content in such job scope? In term of management, how has I been contributing, and whether did I grow in higher level dealing with managing staff and issues.

O Lord, grant me wisdom today, that every decision making and each speech from my mouth will be guided with Your Spirit, that whatever I do, let me do it for You and not of pleasing man alone. Oh Lord, guide me today- grant me strength and joy in marketplace- let me be a testimony, touching a life today. Amen!

The Ever Funniest Dream

6th February 2006,

5.08pm Monday evening. After CNY holidays, momentum doesn't seem to pick up, still lazy around. February gonna be great. Last Sunday sermon was just so good- about Man of Honor, not just focus on man alone, but also applied to women as well. About hw I'm living my life, between Bethel and Ai, between Godliness and worldliness. It's always a challenge, life always a challenge. I realize so many things about myself, some weakness coated with strength. How do i use it. Yes, it's not difficult to get a degree but not education. Education comes from above, wisdom from experience, life experience, learning to pick up when you fall. Learning to not repeat the errors again when you're wrongly walk on it. It need constant reminder- the inner being should be strong, the background and basic should be strong. I desire that Lord- help me, I'm willing to be broken, painful but I wanna hear You Lord, pls speak Your Word of wisdom and my heart will hear you, my heart will hear You and be still, and know You are Lord, You are Who I am that is speaking the very Word. Continue to soften my heart. To be soft when it's required to be soft, and to be strong and hard when it's suppose to be. Your time.

The title of my blog is about my dream- it's just so funny, and I think I've told a lot of the people I met, and have a good laugh over it. I seldom get dreams, and this time it's so real- that's why I thot of maybe write in this blog- next time if I ever read back I'll just laugh at myself. The story is like that: I was so tired, after all the play, lack of sleep, sleep almost 1.30am every night. Too "Hong So" (Joanne called me that). And I eat quite much during CNY. Actually not really a lot, but don't know why I got this dream. I dreamt that I eat a whole lot during Chinese New Year, all the leftover food, all the beer, and all the biscuit that laid on the living room table. Then one day, I weigh myself- I looked down the scale, Oh Shirley! It's 100kg. Oh No!!!! Oh NO!!, then I woke up, and literally I woke up and check my body..Realize that the fats is normal, my normal fats only. Thanks God. Wow, what a revelation, maybe God wanna remind me to keep my body more in shape, or it's just a warning that "Shirley- if you don't control your diet- you gonna end up like that- don't say I didn't warn you- self control my dear". Hmm..makes me scare of eating too much. The day after the incidence, I remember, Sat I went to work, I didn't take food from morning till afternoon- I wish I can skip dinner, but too hungry, got to eat:) Oh dear..I got to work out my body. Need to reduce fats- so I determine to use the TonicFlex every nite before I sleep, hope it able to work well:) Determine wor...cakap saja kah Shirley? Dun cakap only, must loose weight! Jia You! Jia You!...

Saturday...7th Day of CNY

4th February 2006,

It's Saturday, 1.13pm to be exact. Whole week of rest for CNY has been a refreshing one, even though got some spike here and there, overall, God is so good. Today nothing much in work. Early morning got angpow from Boey, cute little Kitty angpow, then a request from Choong to take leave during May. I've been reluctant to release her for leave, we has some arguement and she almost cry- I've not been mean, she should able to understand the condition. Can't always demand own ways. She complaints that it's stressful working here, and she waana leave Pharmacy and prefer to transfer other department. Am really don't know how to handle such person. I don't want to say yes to her, even though I can allow her to take leave. Make it hard so tht people will not make use and take advantage of the leave. Bad eh?

Has been a while didn't write blog- just do so before logging off for another week. Am planning on the CDR Room- don't know that I got to be architect also for the requirement of the CDR for 2007. No experience, but trusting God and take slow step each step at a time, pray the Lord to guide me.

Yesterday attended Jon's CG- Mawar CG. There're quite a numbers in the Cell- Jon and Esthers, Pauline and Terry, Pr. Mei and Pr. Eddy, Pr. Samuel and Pricilla, Angeline and Becky (Phillipino), Loon, Uncle Andy and Desmond, Anthony (Indian guy). Who else I left out- yeah, Susie and Asley. Big group, such a strength and dynamic in the group, got family, couples, single. The worship was just great, accapella worship yet it's so full of the heart. It's so nice to sing without music, without any musical instrument. The Words shared was great. I'm so encouraged. The word is on Cahpter 6: The Ambassodors of Christ, taken from 2 Cor 5. The sharing initisally quite boring- more of theology and bible verses- then turn out to be very much practical and down to earth. 2 things that capture my attention. How are we Christian different fron the non-believers? How are we being as His Ambassodors in working place? There're so many good people around- so many very well manannered and good people around us, but what makes us stand out? To truly stand out as the light of the world? It's not just of doing good- coz everybody doing good nowadays. But it should be more, doing more good, exceedingly, higher standard. What others can't do and we do? What's so different?
Second- all our works should be compelled by love, overflow by love. That should be the fuel, by love. Others probably do good out of motives to get acceptance and approval by others, getting promotion or make ourselves feel good about it, or feel high. But what about us? Why do we continue want to strive giving the best, motivated by love, by what the Lord has done for us- because we had tasted that he is good. Are we tasting the goodness of God, or else how do we share the sweetness to the rest when we don't? So many Christians has been so comfortable, did not carry the light, or don't bother to share, because maybe we has long not tasted God, not enabling ourselves soak in His Word and Promises and in His love. If we don't be Ambassodors, who else? Who else can reach to the world? Oh God, such a standard- need His infilling- daily, let the cup be fulled and overflowing so that others will just see the goodness, the difference.

Pondering my life in working world, have I been faithful in His calling to be minister in working place? Have I been faithful, and taking the opportunity to love, to be Christlike? In the midst of the politics and the backbiting, where do I stand? Have I been different, standing in the gap to pray and to channel Hos love through me? O Lord, forgive me of my short-coming, that many times I shut my heart from those unlovable people, that I've compromise on the worldly standard and scheme and games played. Help me to stand out as light, Your Light, Your Armor, Your Ambassodors, to stand out- that people will see Christ in us. Amen!

Held by His Hands

HELD BY HIS HANDS

You and I are on a great climb. The wall is high, and the stakes are higher.

You took your first step the day you confessed Christ as the Son of God. He gave you his harness—the Holy Spirit. In your hands he placed a rope—his Word.

Your first steps were confident and strong, but with the journey came weariness, and with the height came fear. You lost your footing. You lost your focus. You lost your grip, and you fell. For a moment, which seemed like forever, you tumbled wildly. Out of control. Out of self-control. Disoriented. Dislodged. Falling.

But then the rope tightened, and the tumble ceased. You hung in the harness and found it to be strong. You grasped the rope and found it to be true. You looked at your guide and found Jesus securing your soul. With a sheepish confession, you smiled at him and he smiled at you, and the journey resumed.

Now you are wiser. You have learned to go slowly. You are careful. You are cautious, but you are also confident. You trust the rope. You rely on the harness. And though you can’t see your guide, you know him. You know he is strong. You know he is able to keep you from falling.And you know you are only a few more steps from the top. So whatever you do, don’t quit. Though your falls are great, his strength is greater. You will make it. You will see the summit. You will stand at the top.

And when you get there, the first thing you’ll do is join with all the others who have made the climb and sing this verse:

“To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen” (Jude 24 NIV).

Love - The Defination

Extracted from Celina's Blog- something to ponder through, what love can do....

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure.
but when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher.
in the game of love, it doesnt really matter who won or who lost.
whats important is you know when to hold on & when to let go.
you know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy,
even if their happiness means that youre not part of it.

Everything happens for the best.
if the person you love doesnt love you back,
dont be afraid to love someone else again,
for youll never know unless you give it a try.
youll never love the person you love unless you risk for love.
love strives in hurting.
if you dont get hurt, you dont learn how to love.
love doesnt hurt you all the time.
though hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow.

Dont find love, let love find you.
thats why its called falling in love because you dont force yourself to
fall. you just fall....
you cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.
if you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress.
it is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering & growing.
we lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else
who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.
on falling out of love, take sometime to heal & then get back on the horse.
but dont ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.

To love is to risk rejections,
to live is to risk dying,
to hope is to risk failure.
but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing.
to reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self.
TO LOVE IS TO RISK NOT TO BE LOVED IN RETURN.

How to define LOVE:
Fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent,
Share & never be unfair, understand & not to demand,
Hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is like a knife.
it can stab the heart or it carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime.
love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling.
it should inspire you & give you joy & strength.
but sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.
loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be & where they choose to be with.
for all the heartaches & the tears, for gloomy days & fruitless years,
you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way,
whether it leads towards you or away from you.
love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful,
for only then youll experience the fullness of humanity & that is love.

Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire & tear you apart.
only love can make you cry & only love knows why.

When you decide to love, allow it to grow.
When you promise to love, refuse to let it die.

Heart of Flesh and Spirit

27th January 2006,

It's 1.46pm. Just now had branch with Marcus at OFA (Old Free-school Association). Had nice chat with him regarding family matter. It's CNY mood. People has been discussing on what's the planning for CNY and how much bonus they get from the consultants. Patient workload is alright, not so many patients. Myself had been slowing down- quite bored, don't know what to do. Wanna go back- later 4.30pm got to make a point to leave hospital sharp- if there's no issue. Or else will be expected jam.

For the past few nites have been going out, just don't wanna stay home. What a change. Waiting for sis to come back- then holidays- normal- Chinese New Year has always be quiet one. May it be a time of rest, to refreshed, to catch up with old friends, and family reunion. Talking about family- just now brother called. He want to borrow RM1000 from me. What should I be feeling? It's not the matter of money. He has not been contributing to family expenses and I did not say anything about it, and now he wanted to borrow from me, Chinese New Year- borrow from his sister. How should I be feeling? Well- think positive, not to sway to the other side. Maybe he needed help. Well, what can I do? Myself also has been very thrifty, with the expenses and car maintenance, mum's insurans payment, housing maintenance and tax. Talking about money- it's somehow a sensitive issue. I can break a family ties if not handle well. One thing I see, mum's heart was hurt- when brother don't really contribute to expenses. Who wants to calculate with him, never, we never talk about money. But brother does. Sad case.

What Marcus said quite true- probably I just do my part tht's all. Have done my duty and love to care and take care of mum. Marcus said- girls still alright, coz when they find someone, the hubby can contribute to the finance. But guys a bit difficult, coz their burden will be tight. True in one sense, wrong in another. That's why girl usually choose for more secure man, a man that they can trust, a man that's stable. Well planned and stable. That is more of worldly point of view. What about Christian's view? A Godly man, man of faith. yes, it's much desired. Once- yet now I'm not sure anymore. What's the criteria I placed for my future life partner? Thinking about it make me wonder am I really prepared for any relationship? Church saying- when you're completely passionate with God then the relationship will come. Don't chase after it, not rush. I'm not rushing. Yeah, discussion last night with Roland and Benji quite interesting. They had placed high value on Spiritual women, women faith, women after God's own heart. I used to think that if a man love God very much then will be alright, everything will able to fit in nicely. Now I actually re-think on the truth. It's just so subjective. Therefore I should placed it aside. Let me heart be singled- is it singled for Him? Have not come to that part- the matter now is for me to discover my position in Him again. The rest come secondary. Yet, it's much struggles, when you're alone, lonely..with the age catching up- women at such age sort of pressing red button. I can't say that I won't feel pressured, yet I can only wait and pray. Ps. Mei said one thing- to be vulnerable. To continue to feel and to love even though it's a risk and it's vulnerable. To be vulnerable,yet I asked God for wisdom- to be focused on His timing. The road seems unclear, yet I wanna trust Him, I have to trust Him- the Giver of all good things.

Prayer meet last week was good- Kasturi asked what's the prayer need? For myself I wanna pray for a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone (Ezekial 36- if I'm not mistaken) To put His Spirit in my heart- to have a heart of flesh and Spirit and not heart of stone. I need that transformation. That in my encounter woth others- in my relationship I will not placed and reason with my minds, or to expect or to label, yet to be myself- learning others strength and accepting others weakness. Help me Lord I prayed!

Chinese New Year...simplicity

24th January 2006,

It's 5.56pm and I'm still in the office. has been a while did not write my blog, got to just sit and take time scribble something before I leave. Yeah, the title: Chinese New Year. This year will be a normal plain and simple Chinese New Year, my 2nd year celebrating in Penang. Celina will be coming back this Fri nite. Brother will be coming over Sunnyville for dinner as well. Mum will be really busy preparing, but it'll still be simple one.

Yesterday on-leave, had good time, helpig mum doing ribbon kuih and popiah kuih. Test my patience, realise am really really not patience- this take a lot time and details. Gee, then after tht went for lunch with mum, go banking then go hospital. Every week mum will go physio, and praise God it has been well. She's doing alright,..but recently got some problem with skin- keep itchy. Getting really worried at times, seeing her condition. Yet praying. Breakthrough in family- tht's wht Celina shared the other day. Probably this should be the focus- to pray as family. When's the last time we actually prayed as family? I remember once- during dad's sickness. Then another time when See Kheong still with Celina, we prayed for journey mercy for one another. Now...I really can't think about when is the last time all the Christians in our family holding hands and prayed. Once- yeah, recently on the phone I prayed over Celina on her struggles. That's good- prayer strengthen ties. Unites the hearts. That's where it keeps the family going despite of struggles and different opinions- despite the arguement and throwing tantrums sometimes. Above all else, the love of God still wth family- love and care. That makes family institution special.

Yeah, talking about tht, it should apply to Christian brothers and sisters in church. How we manage conflicts and how we handle situation in times of disagreement. How do we wanna edify one another, and lift ones up rather than pushing on down. How we wanna exalt others higher, look into ones needs and not only own needs. That's the main purpose of church- and cells. Am reviewing my role in cell. Things has change, probably my heart has change. A simple childlike Shirley- now more of the cautious, a "don't mess with me" sort of Shirley. How could such drastic change? That's the discussion with Pr. sam the other day. Praise God- He understands well. He said- don't over worry as if you're having split personality. I told Pr. how I felt- the change in me, that need to dealt with before I can continue in serving or any Ministry. Pr word of exhortation is encouraging. He said- He still can see the soft part in me, even tho' how I tried to be 'mean' yet. there's still that care and softness in me that never change. What a nice word. Is it? Really? He asked me not to stop loving, because it's my nature to love. I will not forget what Pr. said. Yeah, not to give up doing good, continue to do good, never give up, so that in due season you shall see the fruits if you don't give up (Gal). Hmm.. the word of God is true, and straight. Tht's no cornering and no hiding. It's the truth and it can build or it can destroy. How am I taking the Word of God? And how am I living in the WOG.

Year of Covenant. I wonder what the Lord installed for me in such year. So wht's the choice? To live own way, or trust it to God, and follow Him- obedience to His Words, and drawing close to Him in every circumtances. How am I putting Him real in my life? A challange for breakthrough.

Forgiveness, start from the heart

19th January 2006,

8.57am Thurs morning. Last night we had prayer meeting. Pr. Mei shared about forgiveness, how true it is. I can identify with the sharing. It's not easy to forgive, forgive and forget- will it be possible for that to happen? I do remember sharing in EPCC website about Forgive and Forget, but right now when you faced it, then you can feel how hard is the message, how difficult to do it- yet it's still possible not with our human flesh but with God's grace and Spirit. It is so true that when we choose to cling on to the unforgiveness, it will break the bridge between us and God- not allowing what God has install in our lives to flow thru'. It's so true that when we choose to remember the hurts and bitterness, it's like tie string with the person, both in the same boat, both in prison- couldn't be freed from all the guilt, bitterness and hurts. It's so true. I choose to release the unforgiveness- if there's any of it, the Lord search my heart... search it deep in. Any conflicts, any disagreements, any hurts, any words, any lies instill by the enemy- all this shall be laid open and exposed. Allowing forgiveness to flow, allowing God's grace and mercy to flow in me.

Laying Down....

14th January 2006,

8.56am, Saturday morning in the office. Just finish generating PO. Gonna go for breakfast later. This morning prayer is good- Pr. shared on the Hosea 6: obedience better than sacrifice, and offerings. A new year 2006- Year of Covenant- Loving People Loving Man. How do we wanna go from here? How do we wanna allow God to mess up with our plans and agenda. Looking through the plans for 2006 I'm a little fearful- a lot of activities, how will the church members take it? Really pray for wisdom- to disseminate the information and purpose accordingly. I'm worried- yet, why should I, it's God's church, His temple, His people. Gonna trust Him on that, and do my part. How have I been doing my part?

Yesterday was great. Actually quite a lot people- Eugeen and Winnie, Lee Koh and Jasmine, Benji, Felix, Me and Mum. Actually we can start a Cell, but I'm just not prepared. But praise God things going good. We had round table dinner- spagetthi, KFC, mashed potatoes, sausages, red bean 'tong sui'. Char Bee hoon. Overall, we had good time of makaning. Then we proceed for Joyce Meyer's sermon. Not sure what's the title of the sermon- but I think "Divine Interuption" should be the one. I'm blessed by the sermon. It's just down to earth, have a high standard- God's standard of Love. It just speak forth on a few scenario that we're commonly faced- how's the testimony to the world. How to be a 'worldly' Christian. How to be a blessing- with of love life. A life-check on my love life. Got to stop here- gonna go for breakfast. Pray that the blog of questions will not just be a questions but a challenge for me to persue on life- to eternity, to His purpose.

A Broken Spirit and a Contrite Heart

12th January 2006,

8.45am, morning. Last night has been a released. I burst out in the midst of Prayer Meeting. Lee Lian shared on certain prayer items- Loving God, Loving People, about our theme for this year 2006- indeed God is doing something in regards to the theme. Very difficult to love people, with our own strength, with our own flesh. Personally my heart has been harden to love. We gather in group of 4. Pr. Mei prayed on love. The word strike my heart so strongly, it's my turn to pray. I prayed: Oh Lord teach us to love others- not with our strength, but channeling from above. But first of all, help us to love You "First". Without love- it's all meaningless, whtever we profess to do in Your Name...how can we serve You when we don't love.

Ro 12: 9 said
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. (NKJV)

I can't contained the tears but just break down. I wonder why I can so easily cry. How have I love God when I'm in conflict with His people, with my own fella-bro and sister in Christ. I realise deep in my heart there're so much of hurts and unforgiveness that really really need to dealth with. Or else- the result I'll be distant from others, I'll end up keeping myself close in order not to be hurt. Checking my heart, I asked the Lord to restore the live in my heart.

Pr. Mei spend time with me- her advice is true. I got to slowly release, and it's okie to release. No problem with crying, but the crying should be the yeilding to the Lord, to Him, and not of going down the pit of depression. The bursting of the heart burden to be with Him, and that's it. Not to take it back again. I got to deal with the unforgiveness, and to confront in love, to speak the truth in love as the Bible said. Or esle I will distant. But how? Pray! Pray! Come to Him with broken Spirit and Contrite heart. Ask the Lord for a tender heart, heart of flesh to love again, to care again.

Oh Father, forgive me for the reaction, that's fleshly. You know my heart Lord, You know my sitting down and my rising up, You are familiar with all my ways. Even before any words from my mouth, You already knew it. Search my heart Lord- if there's any offensive ways in me, any wicked ways in me. Lead me in the way everlasting. Lead me Lord, lead me I pray!

It's Hurts....How to heal the Wounds?

7th January 2006,

It's so hurting. It's like a deep sharp knive cut through my heart, not just cut through, but squeeze deep, rotating the knives deep within. Thought the wounds has healed, Has been 3 years, yet it's still bleeding, it's still so painful. Thought had been used to the pain, as if I've been slapped 100 times and left no more pain even to slap another few times. Thought I can't feel the pain anymore..thought it's going to be alright when not thinking about it, not facing it. Yet it's not true. The pain is so real....The Word is just so sharp- it's just so wrong, so untrue, so hurting.

It's morning. I fetched Angie to Sharon's house before go to work. Thought it will be great morning coz of the coming wedding. A lot things to prepare- yesterday Deco was up...today plan to take time off to go to wedding. Then it comes a mail from Kenneth- again, enough smses, thot without replying should be enough, yet he is just would let go. It's just so hurting with the mail, made me shed tears again? Why I cried? Don't need to cry- it has been so long- no need to be emotional about tht? Why you cry dear...??? He's just so sick, who can help? No one can help. I'm the victim again..tht is enough! 3 years plus, that's enough! The words is enough! How am I going to forgive? Lord, How to forgive? How to let the Word pass by me- and place it back to You. You who judge the acts. You know which is true which is not. You judge Your children. That's enough Lord! What are You teaching me here? My heart is just so broken- a friend? A friend? Can't describe it...can't contain it. It's just enough!

O Lord, I throw all this hurts to You- see, so much of it! So much! See all my tears- take it Lord, I don't wanna contain it. It's so tiring- I give it to You, set me free Lord, Set me free to love again, to smile again, to be openned again. Help me not to dwell in that circular motion of hurts. I let it go to You, guide my heart- give me a heart of wisdom. Amen!

Serving- Attitude outflow from the Heart

5th january 2006,

4.36pm. It's time to be back home. Stay here to write blog. Just had IM with Matthew in regards to ushering. We will be having meeting later at 7pm. Quite upset of the discussion. Has some disagreement with him regarding certain issue.

Checking my heart- how is my reaction on serving? It should be out from a heart of joy- as thanksgiving unto the Lord- freely give as best as can. But sometimes if we don't perform up to the expectation then how should tht be? Am I being offended? What about expectation? How am I offer my serving to Him? As of needs, as of love, joy in giving, as of obligation? How should be my response? Where is the passion of serving and giving your best to Him without considering how others said?

Maybe the matter not lies on Matthew, it's my heart attitude got to change. Why am I being calculative nowadays, and being very much selective and not easily commiting to help if any needs. Is it that all this while I've been serving out of obligation and it gets tired? I got to move on- serving, loving, giving- all the matter of the attitude of the heart. Who is God to you Shirley? Who are you serving in this ushering? Why do you get irritate by the expectation of others when He is the Lord of all that you serve? Got to get this right. How are you working with people of different temperament and accepting the strength and weakness of the indididual and work in unity? How are you responding to critic and offense? Positively. Yes, look up, the focus, the goal- the purpose. Wanna do it? Servant heart, submissive, and knowing doing your best- having the right attitude, right heart- and your service will be acceptable to Him.

Oh Lord! Forgive me if my service thus far has been limited, out from a heavy heart, out of obligation. From today on- guide my heart- a willingness to serve, serve with a servant heart- a joy, a submissive spirit. Teach me on servanthood, that it is You who First to come to serve, not to be served, but to serve others and give Your life as ransom for many. Teach me to die on my flesh, my pride- of wanting the receive, but to give, to give, with joy with gladness, as I give my heart to You dear Lord. Unite my heart in Your purpose, teach me regarding submission, unity and building others up rather than pulling others down. Give me a teachable Spirit I pray...a childlike faith as before. Willingness,...I seek You dear Lord. Help me to obey Your voice. Guide me Holy Spirit. In times when the heart rebel, guide me to be still and know that You are Lord- You are in control, You are the One and Only I serve, not man but You. Be a God pleaser and not man-pleaser...with this I pray, Amen!

Forgive and Forget

30th December 2005,

It's 12.38pm Lunch time in another 20 mins. Take the time to write the blog. I remember I shared in the EPCC Forum about forgive and forget, and now I am actually questioning the reality- whether is this really exist? Forgive and forget? In His Word, He remember our sins no more. God forgive and forget, completely wipe off our sins, can't remember anything else- how about us? How do we forgive and allow the reconcilation with our brother and sister in Christ, once hurt us?

This experience coming back again last night, It has been 3 years, I thought it's all done with, it's all over, but I can't believe it coming back again. Is it means I haven't forgive- checking deep my heart? How can I react over such matter? What happen?

Last night was in ex-House. Had dinner with Felix and Helena, then invited Andrew to come over our home for fellowship. There come a call- it work out well, I try to tone down my voice, be cool and answer the phone- but he keep on digging back the past, keep on torturing me with what I've done to him which I did not, keep on never endingly wants me to answer to where we can take this friendship level to? What do you mean? Friendship, acquaintance level? Yes, I did not denied that we once a friend, once acquintance...but now, I don't know how to take that level? I forgive- and that's it, I forgive..all the hurts, I forgive, yet he never wanna let me go. Have I forgiven? I'm so deepenly sad, he made me shed tears again- a punching bag. Teach me how to react? Felix said you should just go on with life, put your feet down, not emotionally shaken by this- not worth. I know, but I can't help to be sad. I'm scared. That night, I received 2 smses from him. I knew it will not be good one, and indeed so. This morning I received another 2 smses- make up to 4 smses, all cursing me, hurting me. Sad case- I'm not angry, am I hurt, of coz...but I just so sad- pitiful that such a man that claimed to knew God's Word strongly can react this way to the fella believers- no many negatives things. I got to be mean- I don't want to, but here I got to be firm...

Lord teach me what to do? I forgive him as You have forgiven me, but I can't love him as You loved me. You send people to love him and help him- I can't Lord. I don't know why this can just drag on till 3 years. it's so tiring- the friendship once shared now so tiring. Teach me in such situation- guide my heart, I need Your wisdom- only You counsel I seek. I can't pray for him Lord- I just couldn't Lord- hope You understand. I remember him and trust it to You. Now the problems is not longer mine- It's Yours, and I trust You will handle it, You will take care of it. I refuse to feel guilty and angry, I let go all the hurts and unforgiveness- it's all in Your hands. Lord, take it, and heal my heart- any bitterness, hurts, heal, and it's health, In Jesus's Name. I'm freed from all emotional entanglement. Amen!

Listen- Just listen....

29th December 2005,

I realise this a few days ago when Felix said I don't listen. I used to be a good listener, a friend that can sit long with you and listen on the sharing and just being there, to just listen. I used to be...yet...just recently I realise that it's no more. My ear as if has been shut, and my heart has been very impatient with the deep sharings- I wonder why is that so. A listening ear, slow to speech and quick in listening. Felix has been pissed off when seeing such change in me- I don't wanna listen anymore, I have enough sorrows of my own. That should not be the attitude. A listening friends....I need them when I need them to listen, so how should I react when others need my ear, my heart to identify with them, and not by giving any advice, just as friends, being there- knowing that you care...

O Lord, forgive me for my impatience and my lacking in listening. Help me to be slow to speech and quick to listen, help me to be wise in the words that I choose that it will not tear others down, but build others up. That my mouth may speak of blessings, and my presence will bring comfort and love. Let the word of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be ever pleasing to You, ever pleasing to You Lord. Take the coal and cleanse my lips, here I am...

Can't live a day without You

29th December 2005,

5.30pm Thursday evening. Still in hospital- not gonna be having dinner with mum coz she has appointment with aunt. Am listening to few songs, the nice one- I love the most is "Can't live a day without You". The lyric very good- I love it, it speak through my heart during the LifeGames Mimes. It speaks of the season that I've gone through, how's my journey to live with Him and without Him, how do I live till today- because of the reason He lives- He's there with me. May it be the prayer of my heart "I live because You live- You're everything to me". The closeness that I long for, that I had been yeilding before. It speaks of His Presence with me, in this journey of life. I can live without many things in life and carry on..but I couldn't possibly live alone, without Him. "You are the heartbeat of all I do". I can do eveything, everything, but if He's not in it, it comes to nothing. May it be the pray of my heart to live with Him all the days of my life...how do you live?

Christmas Caroling_GMC

28th December 2005,

It's 5.18pm. In hospital, waiting for caroling. Kinda excited. We gonna do this again- has been 3 years continuously we have been singing in GMC, tht's awesome. But never had the chance to preach the gospel, other than singing what else can we established? Tonite-7.30pm we will start our briefing. Really hope and pray the turn out will be good. Am sort of afraid that I will be singing alone, but thank God- I have few confirmation from staff coming, EPCC-ians coming. Even though we didn't practise much, hope we can still give our best. Christmas is over, 3 days ahead- yet Christmas's Spirit and the joy surrounds us. This morning there're 3 judges came to our Pharmacy department to view our Christmas Deco- they are Mr Teoh, Mrs Chin, and Ms Lim(Dietritian). We surprised them when we turned off the lights, and singing "Joy to the world, the Lord has come, let earth received the King". The Pharmacy staff sing tht- awesome, the judges were really surprised and had a well lasting impression how we usher them into our department. It's fun and happy. We're singing the song- but does the people know the meaning, the true meaning of Christmas- the news, those who carry the news. So tonite, I prayed that it will not just be a song- a carols, but God's people bringing the joy, the smile and the message of Christ is Love to the people. I am excited, Pas Sam will also be coming, Loon and Susie will be preparing ballon for children, the rest will join along sing. Staff will be joining in, pray for God's presence to be with us- surrounds the entire hospital with His joy, peace and love.

Sister back yesterday. I had dinner with Andrew, had good discussion. Also had some time of chat with Pas Sam. I've shared my concerns about Cell, and he has been supportive of my views, now is that I really need God's direction, not my flesh, but His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Christmas- Season of Joy, Hope and Peace

21st December 2005,

5.30pm- in the office, today had 2 meetings continuously. Patient load has decrease- holidays mood- good for us. Our Pharmacy has take part in Christmas Decoration Competition and I have full confident that we will able to win 1st Prize. Great job! I'm proud of the staff, this is really team work and all the credit goes to the Pharmacy Staff, all of them. I'm amazed at our Christmas tree, how we use the recycle Rhinathiol Syrup bottles, clean it up, fill it silica gell, put in the flourecent gold thingy, and how we arrange it. It's truely awesome. I bet Casualty will not able to beat us. Praise God...

Christmas is just around the corners. Christmas Hunt coming, it's too fast, have yet to get present for the Gift exchange. Plan to take a day off on Fri to prepare for the things. Thanks to Lee Koh for helping so much to plan, and also the rest- that has contribute in one way or another for the Christmas. Eric will be busy with weddings, so I should understand his condition not able to involve that much...Year gonna end, tht's too fast. Oh Gosh...Can we just stop the watch, stop the clock from ticking? Nahh...we can't. Life goes on, we should set time for goal setting...planning, reviewing goals, resolution. This year 2005 I did not set resolution- Yr 2006, time to review and set something.

How could I live without You, How could I survive..

21st December 2005,

Extracted from "My Life Declaration":
I won't be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated by praise, frustrated by problems, debilitated by temptation, or intimidated by the devil. I'll keep running the race with my eyes on the goal, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. I', Spirit-led, purpose-driven and mission-focused, so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised, and I shall not quit until I finish the race.

Last night ponder through. How can I say I wanna give up? Life is a breath from God..How could I live without Him? How could I survive, without His Love, without His touch, without His Presence. he's the reason that I live. Press on the race.

Christmas Hunt discussion last night. Even though the group is small, can see the effort all put in, with the little we have we gonna give the best- not for man, not for program, for God- for His Name, for His good news. Hope for the best for the Christmas Hunt, giving the best, know He will do the rest.

It's A Choice- Smile at the Rain

20th December 2005,

5.11pm, it's Tuesday evening. I'm about to go back, just update the blog before I switch off the PC. Yesterday was on-leave. Had good time of resting at home, wrapping gifts and lunch with Lee Koh and Jasmine. Too lazy to go shopping, have not really get much gifts this year. Sister will be back this 24th. Still can remember some incidence few days ago- conversation with sister that made me shed tears. Wondering why I can be so emotional to take the feedback to emotionally and negatively. We have been hoping for her to come back Penang to work- it's tiring to see her travelling to and fro Johor-Penang, waste of time, effort, money...if she could have been in Penang will solve whole lot of issue. Yet I know fully well God has His time and season. Can see Celina has been growing- even after the breakoff she has found strength in Him, and passion for Mission and evangelism. It's good seeing her grow in the Lord- to start serving in Young Adult Ministry, yes, indeed she has been strong, always strong. One word that made me sad- "Smile and the world will smile with you, and cry and you will only cry alone, so just choose to be happy and smile". Imagine my siste said that to me. Yes, indeed it's true in a way, probably the meaning is to encourage me to make a choice to be happy. To be happy is a choice? Who don't want to be happy? And...if I'm crying- really I'll be crying alone? That's sad, really sad. Where's all my brothers and sisters? When I'm at the mountain-top, all will be cheering and happy with me, but if I'm in the valley full of dryness- who will be there? Who can cry with me? I'm in a way sad to hear this, although there's some truth to the statement. Yes, even though there're people surrounds you, families, friends, and church...yet, when there're some issues in life, where you're standing at the borderline, or valley and wonderland-so called...it's still your choice and effort to make that move. Man can't help, friends can't help. When you're crying you'll only cry alone?? I ponder through..how many times I've cried, and who is there with me. Only the Daddy in heaven, my closest friends. Yet sometimes I can reject that closest friend that trying to offer helping hands. What a wretched man like me, who can help? A choice to make- a choice, an effort.

I wonder why, this year 2005 it speak so much of choices and efforts. I wish to pedal hard, I wish to run and fly with wings of eagles, "You wish, and You can Shirley- Do It, just run, just fly, just soar up- why stop? Why doubt? Can't you just trust me, can't you just trust the Daddy's heart? Why worry?"

Oh God, my Lord! I'm so tired of life. Life isn't fun, it's full of turmoils and I feel like giving up. I'm sorry Daddy- for such feeling. But it is real, it's real and I don't like it...but life still goes on, whatever happen I still need to live. Teach me to live with a smile in my heart. Teach me to say "Yes". Am journeyed on, whatever it takes..teach me to keep the eyes straight and focus in You, on the Cross of Love, fix my mind on you, to be centre-minded moving forward, not backward..in whatever I said..there will not be a "But", there only be a "Yes, praise God and Amen". Help me to follow You till the end. Gives me a Spirit-filled understanding of the situation I'm facing now...that I will see the joy of rainbow at the end of the rain. I surrender- help me to die in self, and live by the Spirit each day, I prayed. Amen!

Lessons on Life

15th December 2005,

Lessons on Life

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Moral lessons:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later

Mission Emphasis

14th December 2005,

5.56pm still in the office. Today had great heahache, it's a sign of the monthly mood-swing thingy. Need my Panadol, this time will require more dose of supplements. Yesterday reached home about 9.30pm, has been whole day, went back Alor Setar for Uncle's funeral- fetched aunts to AS, dunno road to their house in Butterworth, a lot testing of my patience, but thank God overall everything is well. Have good chat with Small-Aunt. Listened to all the sharing of the 'chanting' and procession. We are the only family that believe in Christ. Sister was saying we got to pray more for our relatives, to be saved, rather than each year seeing relatives passed away without knowing God- a miserable thing. A heart of compassion for the lost, mission emphasis this month for people to reach out. Many times it's the fear, or it's the timidity or it's just not of the sensing of urgency to pray and to share the gospel- Are we need to be gifted in certain ways to share? It first comes in basic relationship, befriend the people, then it step up to testimony and lifestyles. Leading a Christian life, a God-fearing life, may the Lord open the eyes of the heart of people. But we got to do our part, we have our part to play- but when it comes to sharing...evangelism, people will stop...it's not my gift. Myself having the resistancy as well, it's more to do with pride.

Many ways to share the love of God- not by telling people Jesus died and rose again, and ask them to believe Christ. It's more of lifestyle, it's the stand in the world, a selfish world. A stand up among the rest, in workplace- speech. Mission trip, with creative ideas to share to the children etc. I missed Mission Trip, it always been an eye opener and great experience. Every different mission trip has something special, special message for His people and for the congregation. Need to approach it with willing and teachable spirit. Very important- teachable attitude, humble Spirit to learn, to accept correction, to accept rebuke- to be open in the Spirit for God to move. Not our ways but Him.

This year we are not going to have Caroling. Can't get guitarist, too many things and events going, so this yr got to let it pass. GM called the other day, I'm so sad to reject him...we should have do it, but not right time, not this year....it's 615pm now, got to make a move back home. Home Sweet Home*** Mummy cooked porridge, yum yum...hope it won't be jam. Mission emphasis- just got mail from Lee Lian, updates of mission again- sometimes too much of it can make you feel scared. Pray the Lord will lead His people to get His message of the mission in His due season...

An eventful Sunday III

14th December 2005,

4.57pm Wednesday afternoon, now still in GMC. Has been a while didn't update the blog, got to find time doing time, or else I'll forget what's happening for pass days.

Yeah- eventful Sunday III. I didn't attend church for 2 weeks. The first week of the month I was attending John's wedding in Ipoh- visit Wesley Methodist Church, Ipoh. It was sort of eye opener and new experience for me coz it's my first time attending Methodist church. That Sunday is Holy Communion, and I have the change to see how the church conduct the Communion. It was good experience, overall I can see the church in different perspective, the strength in conducting things in orderly way, and how the communion was served- the congregation will line up in front of the altar and kneel down to receive the Bread and Wine, a form of reverance to God. It's good, to approach the occasion with reverence and respect, remembering what God has done for us. Unlike most of the churches, it's served to congregation. Yeah, a form of change of attitude and approach. The church is huge- according to Gavin it's shaped as cross. He brought us around to gymnasium which was converted into a Children Class room. Nice experience.

Last week I didn't attend church- attend friends' Chee Mui's session and be her bridesmaid. I think it's my first time attending Non-Christian wedding...maybe not first time, but this time being involved helping in the wedding brings some light to my experience. Being a bridesmaid is tough, got to help take care angpow and pull brides' wedding gown, got to fan the bride, and stand beside each time they 'cham cha'. Somemore she got a lot relatives- a lot teas to 'cham'. Then the relatives also need to know so many names- mother's uncle, mother's uncles' children..etc. Chinese custom, with needs to address a person differently, father side with one name, mother's side another name, unlike commonly we address all man above 40's as uncles :) A tiring day..yet something different.

So many weddings, weddings so busy, so many things to prepare. Next time if I were ever get married I will want to make my wedding as simple as possible, keep it simple and sweet.

Paradigm Shift - Newness - 2006

10th December 2005,

1.43pm- still in the office. It's Saturday and tonite is Huey Meng's wedding. Will be helping in Reception. This morning wake up 5.40am, for morning prayer (leaders). This morning message is good- to prepare for the new season. Ps mentioned one thing- the new sanctuary getting ready soon. God is about to do new thing, whether we want or not. Got to get ready, or else some that could keep up to that will get retired. Probably I'm sensitive, or is it God that speaking in my Spirit. Ps preached before about the sermon "How to Run", whther we run with purpose, carrying the news. Or else even tho' we run, David said, "Move aside, You don't have news for the King". Am I faithful with the little God entrusted in what he called me to do? Am I faithful in that? How should be the change for 2006? A new season- return to the basic- Loving God, loving People.

When Ps shared about the mission for church, am quite fearful. More things, more commitments, a lot required from the people. It's time for commitment and there should have some sacrifices made. And what can I offer? To expand our heart, to enlarge our heart- willing to allow Him to expand us. That's huge challenges ahead. But a success begin with small step, a step to commit. How should I commit? How should I do with my time, where is the area God challenging me?

About old wineskin and new wineskin, what will happen if the new wine poured into old wineskin? What will it happen if the church remain just old wineskin and venturing into new church, new season? Can we take it? How should we take it into that level? Consecrating our lives, ever be ready to be pour out like a offering for Him... that is what he wants our heart to response. Am I responding? Am struggling- to commit, to give, to be tender to allow him to use me. 2006- what's the challenges ahead?....

Cry Holy

8th December 2005,

Thurs evening@ 4.45pm. Still in office. Today sort of busy, Storekeeper not around, but it's well- still can handle. Pharmacy quite hectic in December, staff complaining full bed- gonna burn down. Today one of my Pharmacist cried, don't know what happen- hope she's okie. Others said she's stressed with work, but Boey said it's personal matter. If it's work related I should have do something so that she'll be happy in work, or else she resign I'll be really sad. Tomorrow got to talk to her.

Hmm..has been a while didn't write Blog. Many things happened. Went to Ipoh last week for John's wedding. Have not been attending church service for 2 weeks, then this coming week will be having another wedding, won't able to attend church. What to do, don't know how to reject people. Huey Meng asked me to be her bridesmaid and I said yes, because she can't get others, I got to bhelp out lar...and need to do it willingly and happily. But thinking of the pass months, Nov and Dec has been fruitful month for weddings. So many weddings. Come to think about it, a little bit phobia with weddings already. Some more Jan will be Wedding Co-ordinator for Eric and Sharon's wedding. Geeee...It's too emotional, and touchy....only single people like me can understand this. After Jan, I do hope there won't be anyone to ask me plan and help on Weddings.

This morning went for Morning Prayer- 6am. A sudden move of the heart to go to church. Yeah, probably that is the knocking of Holy Spirit. Told Andrew about it, he said maybe I miss Him..."Miss" Him...yeah..some refilling of the void, that only He can fill. I like this song, it the reminder of the Everlasting care of the Father..tht will always draw His child back even tho' we fall away...that He is there, He is there, He understand, and He is there in whatever we go through.....

In my loneliness You are there
To reveal Your righteousness, in my despair
Jesus I long for You
There is no one else, no one like You

So I cry Holy, Worthy, Glory, Majesty
You reign on high
Far above all the earth
You are my God, my Lord and King

When I'm far away You are there
To draw me back again, into Your care
Jesus I long for You
There is no one else, no one like You

An eventful Sunday II

28th November 2005,

4.44pm Monday evening. It's time to go back. Praise God, I've finished my report for new system. Pray that tomorrow system discussion will be fruitful.

Evenful Sunday II..it's yesterday happening. It's like that. Sunday I have Pharmacy Meeting around 1.30pm. I didn't attend church that day because I attend saturday service. And, Mum fetch me to church on saturday- she drove my Kenari. So, means she keep my car key....alright, Sunday I sleep till 8.30am, wanna sleep longer but normal biological clock wake me up...so wake up, do devotion- read Bible, worshipping...pray for the coming Meeting, asked God for wisdom, patience and love...renewed love for Him and people. Sat service was good- the sermon is hard, and forceful and it leave a challenge for us to work out our lives- a message to carry on. Are we carrying that message of Christ? Yeah, so good about Saturday, Sunday something happen- I almost want to cry and lost my patience.

I plan to go hospital early- plan to take my lunch first then go hospital to prepare White Board and set up meeting. Everything set, everything ready- try to search for my Kenari key- Oh No! Where is it? Mum must have took it away and put in her bag. Trying to search the old bag- can't find...Oh No! How can that be? Tried called mum's HP: Switch Off...Oh NO! How can this happen in such a wonderful Sunday? Re-Search the bag again- no key...pause, where did I put my spare key? Any spare keys? Doing thorough search in the house, every single drawer search..search...search. It's like treasure hunt, worse than treasure hunt. Oh No...how can this happen to me God? I just praise You, worship You..wanna start a fresh new day, Oh Gosh...this happen, how am I going to Hospital? I don't like interupted plan...not today, not now...Oh ya, Amazing Grace church is just nearby, I can run there, maybe can catch mum...it's 11.45am. Oh Gosh, I hope I have the time-then, all the way- I run, I run and I run to Amazing Grace- to rescue my Kenari Key. Reach there gasping for air- look left and right, front and back...Oh No! Where's mummy's car? Where's her old Datsun? Oh No! How come she so fast go off? Tried called her HP again- Not on. Geee...that's bad. I scratched my head and stamped my feet. Looking helpless, walk without direction...till I reach Mobil Petrol Station.. hungry, haven't take breakfast. Bought an Choc Ice-Cream to fill my tummy and soothed my 'mood'. Oh God, how can I be so short tempered? I should give praise in such time rather than complaining....Called up Yamunes, she can't fetch me. Called up Phei- my angel, she agreed to fetch me. Praise God.

Reached hospital on time 1.30pm. Praise God, but quite kelam kabut with preparation- but overall, thank God- things run smoothly. Toh fetched me back home. I reach home, mummy cool, didn't even know I'm angry...or rather frustrated. After knowing the situation, she said the key in old bag...how can I not found it? Gee....dunno how to response.

Anyway..it's just some eventful Sunday- a lesson to learn:
1. Do not let the sun go down while you're still angry. (Praise Him despite circumtances- don't let situation change yr mood)
2. Identify the spare-key
3. Don't be kelam kabut- coz kelam kabut things that is in front of you- you won't see it, you'll be blinded by your own frustration
4. Friends are angels- they offer help in times of need, that's real fren. At least I hv frens to call on to
5. In such situation, God is still with me. Meeting runs well- it's fruitful, we came up with a lot ideas after brainstorming for our new systems.
6. Forgive and Forget- mum just forgetful, don't blame her. Forgive and forget

Lord, You are More than Enough for me...

25th November 2005,

Fri evening- 5.30pm to be exact. Am still in the office, not of really busy, but waiting for the next appointment dinner. Tonite we won't be having Cell Group- instead we'll be meeting with our Iranian friends for dinner at Fishermen's Grill. It's time for catching up and felowship. Not pretty sure what's the plan after dinner, all has been pretty busy with work and other preparation- didn't really follow up on the Iranians. Hope Saeid still remmeber me. It's kinda weird after so long didn't meet up, suddenly we come out with plan for dinner to fill Iranian fellowship. May this time be a fruitful one- that it's just just filling up an assignment, but really extending friendship beyond the circle.

This week has been very relaxing. I spend a whole lot of my time in the room- mostly yahoo-chating, mailing, house-keeping yahoo-mails. Realise that I have too much un-read mail-mostly forwarded mail, some are articles, which i don't have the time to reach..so I save it in my "Inspiration" folder. After house-keeping still a lot mails. Realise that I'm so lazy nowadays...bad bad, got to change and discipline. Basically November is alright, but December will be hectic due to stock take and financial closure. Anticipating a lot clean-up on reporting and documentations.

Tomorrow will be attending Pon's wedding. Wow, this two months so many weddings- Ipoh (Kenneth), then Pon's tomorrow, then John's (Ipoh), and continuously the following weeks Huey Meng's. This year seem to be good year for marriage. Eric's one coming Jan; myself and Alicia gonna help up co-ordinating. Weddings- sharing the joyous occasion seeing how the Lord brought two souls together. Wondering how my wedding gonna be...hmm....learning to be satisfied in single life, to able to be happy as "Single in Married world or Single in Couples world". Never easy with the pressure around, but got to move on life.....I need to be satisfied and content in singlehood...as how Philipian addressed- Phil4:12- I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want..(to add whther in singlehood or married life:)) Treasure what I have today, and live each day as new breath from God with purpose.

Oh Lord, guide me through this journey.

Thank you for each new day,

each breath of the new day that is given to me.

Each freshness of morning dew and stillness of Your enduring Presence,

Let my heart able to speak of your fullness

that You are more than enough for me

May this life I live be a purposeful-being for Your Glory.

Amen...

November....December,.. time flies.

22nd November 2005,

Tuesday- 4.50pm. Time to pack up and go back home. Today has been pretty busy, yesterday on-leave. Nothing much to share in the blog. Life thus far has been good, Praise God. Time flies...it's November, another month December..then Christmas then New Year, I can't believe it! Too fast already, so many things happened, I've been working for 3 years plus. Year pass another year...am I growing in Grace? Growing in maturity in Christ? It's time for Life-Check, or spiritual-Check. Has life been comfortable, am I in anyway being complacent? What's the further committment to make? How should we seize the day in this end time, as the day approaching...something to ponder through.

Ps 90:9-12
9 All our days pass away under your wrath; we finish our years with a moan.
10 The length of our days is seventy years— or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span [a] is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
11 Who knows the power of your anger? For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.
12 Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Let it be the prayer of our hearts to honour Him with the time-span He has given to us...

I would not Quit!

This is nice article, be blessed...

"I Would not Quit" He Said

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said.
"Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds,
I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.
I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.

He said.
"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
"I would not quit."
He said."Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.

" He said to me.
"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling,
you have actually been growing roots"
"I would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others."

He said.
"The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern.
Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", God said to me.
"You will rise high!"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?"
He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes."
He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can.
"I left the forest and bring back this story.

My Dialogue with God

Find this good....read on;

I went to God with all my sorrow, bitterness and frustration."God, oh God, please tell me what do you really want me to do or what you want me to be??" I asked.God led me to a river."Look into the river, my child.""What can you see?""Reflection." I said.God did not say anything but looked into my eyes and smiled. At that moment a thought dawned on me, and I said,"You want me to be a river which reflects your image and goodness."God nodded his head and smiled."But you haven't answer my question yet, God." "Look into the river again, my child." God said.I looked into the river again. And this time I did not see God's reflection but only my reflection in it."What do you see?" God asked.I see myself but not God in the reflection. Another thought dawned on me. For how many times, when I look into the mirror or the river, that I only see myself but not God?It's ! not that God did not show himself, but I chose to see only myself, rather than him. What I wanna see, it's only ME, ME, ME."If you only can see yourself, how will you remember me or my teaching?" God asked with a soft voice, still smiling.I was ashamed, yet I was stubborn, and I'm always stubborn."Yes, Father, I know I always put myself before you for everything, but today I came to you to ask A question, and I just want THE answer."

"Tell me what does the water do, my child." God said, still not answering my question directly."The water?? ...hmmm, the water is always soft and obedient...and no matter what kind of container you pour the water in, the water will matches the shape of the container it is in perfectly.""And how about you?" God turned to me and asked aga! in, with a light twinkling in His eyes.I'm stubborn, I'm not as soft as the water. I just wanna be myself, even though I always promise God I will let Him shape me, but I argue and struggle with Him. I just wanna be whom I wanna be. I want myself to look like what myself want to see.God poured me into a jar, I don't wanna be shaped as the jar, I struggled so hard till I broke the jar.The more I pondered about it, the more I was ashamed of myself. I did not dare to look up nor to answer God.But God heard me and knew me.

He was still smiling, like nothing could possibly upset Him. Like what I have done still not enough to let Him down."Listen to the voice of the river, my child." He said.I closed my eyes and listened attentively.I heard th! e voice of the river running, and all of a sudden I could also hear the singing of the insects and the noise produced by the leaves rubbing against each other when the wind came by.I opened my eyes and found myself standing alone in a deep, thick forest. God is gone."My God, my God, WHERE ARE YOU????!!" I screamed out of horror and fear. Yet I dared not to move even a step."Listen to the voice of the river, my child." God said, still not showing himself.I was such a nervous wreck, yet there was nothing I could do except followed God's instruction.I drew a few deep breath, calmed myself down, closed my eyes again and listened.I could hear the flowing of river again, and this time, a thought flew through my mind and I grabbed ! it before it was gone again.(If I walked along the river, the river will bring me back to the civilization or bring me out of this forest.) So said the thought.I opened my eyes with joy and walked toward the river. But the forest was gone in a second and I was back to the riverside with God standing beside me.God smiled to me again and said,"If you were lost in a deep thick forest, If you would just stop and be still and listen, You would hear the voice of the river -- that's ME.If you would just walked along the river, If you would just followed the river,You would find the way out from the forest -- If you would ju! st follow me and walk along me, You would find THE WAY."I was dumbfounded by God's wisdom and teaching, all I could do was looked at Him in awe.God rubbed my head and said," Did I answer your question yet? If not, come back and see me tomorrow."

Annual Dinner tonite- 15th November 2005

15th November 2005,

Tuesday Morning- tonite will be Annual Dinner, and it's a weekday. A lot has been asking why is that weekdays, usually Annual Dinner should be weekends, yeah, company want to cut cost:) I guess. It'll be real hectic with this sort of programs lining up in the weekdays.

Mundane work for the whole week, need some breakthrough. Still finds difficult in relating to my staff. It's the pressure innerly or pressure outside? I need to overcome this by the change of the thinking, a first step, a smile of warmth, and acceptance of each individuals...not just the strength alone, but also the weakness of different people. The pride need to be pulled down, insecurity? Working the best- and be assured that the Boss Above will reward me accordingly, not according to worldly measures and riches, but according to heavenly riches above. A Change of thinking- Positive thinking and attitude, it's so much needed. I got to not just learn, but have some change and paradigm shift of the thinking.

O Lord, help me. I want to, it's difficult- I know, but I trust You, Your Words and Promises, teach me the basic, and where to begin. .. to love, to motivate, to stir ones up- to be good testimony in workplace that bear Your Name, that You alone be glorified...Amen!

Passion for the Lost

12th November 2005,

Saturday morning- write something before start work. Today Mag and Charmine not around, they attending Pharmacy Scientific Conference in KL, Saturday will have a lot of patients, and prayfully that things will go well. Asked God for heart of wisdom and to be involved in my encounter with work.

Last night All Night Prayer. We watched Mother Theresa's movie. A unselfish life that has been given to God for people. A compassion heart, moved with the needs and people. It remind me on the phrase "You can give without Love, but You can't Love without Giving". She give her whole life- she's into the street, doing whatever she can to save 'one'. No need many- one, as it goes...she start out having the determination to reach out. Step out in faith. We prayed, we pray for heart of compassion. The Spirit of God moved among His people- showing us the basic of all, the basic simple Love- compassion heart. We repented, ...our eyes has been blinded and swayed by the selfish desire of building our own mansion. We have lost the zeal for evangelism- we have failed in many ways. Yeah, the time is near...How should be our response? Is it just a information to stir up the emotion to repent, to cry out and after a while going back to normal, or it's a change of heart, a transformation? How are we responding; to respond-- to act it out. A challenge. But a challenge should not remain jst challenge but some action and change.

Challenged Scripture Heb 12:1-2

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith,

let us strip off every weight that slows us down,

especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress.

And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.

2We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus,

on whom our faith depends from start to finish

(New Living Translation)

My Life Declaration

7th November 2005,

Monday morning- Life GAMES is over, and now it's no longer a game, it's Life, and it's gonna move...The Race is ON, the Clock is Ticking. How do we want to choose the Road of Life? How should the runner run? How will be the Reward of life? How do we want to live? The survival Life? The successful life? Or the significant Life? The choice is yours. You choose your way of life. A reflection of life, The past has gone, the new has come...Life Games, a start of new life, new purpose, new focus in life. Oh Lord, here's my declaration. I am willing, I surrender my life to You once again...

***************************
MY LIFE DECLARATION
***************************

Today I am stepping across the line. I'm tired of waffling, and I'm finished with wavering. I've made my choice and my decision is irrevocable. I'm going God's way. There's no turning back now!

I will live the rest of my life serving God's purpose with God's people on God's planet for God's glory. I will use my life to celebrate His presece, cultivate His character, participate in His family, demonstrate His love, and communicate His Word.

Since my past has been forgiven and I have a purpose for living and a home awaiting in heaven, I refuse to waste any more time or energy on shallow living, petty thinking, trivial talking, thoughtless doing, useless regretting, hurtful resenting, or faithless worrying. Instead, I will magnify God, grow to maturity, serve in ministry, and fulfill my mission in the membership of His family.

Because this life is preparation for the next, I will value worship over wealth, "we" over "me", character over comfort, service over status, and people over possessions, position and pleasures. I know what matters most, and I'll give it all I've got. I'll do the best I can with what I have for Jesus Christ today.

I won't be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated by praise, frustrated by problems, debilitated by temptation, or intimidated by the devil. I'll keep running the race with my eyes on the goal, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. I', Spirit-led, purpose-driven and mission-focused, so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised, and I shall not quit until I finish the race.

I'm a trophy of God's amazing grace, so I will be gracious to everyone, grateful for everyday, and generous with everything that God entrusts to me.

To my Lord and Savious Jesus Christ, I say: However, whenever, wherever and whatever You ask me to do, my answer in advance is Yes! Wherever You lead and whatever the cost, I'm ready. Anytime, anywhere, anyway. Whatever it takes Lord; whatever it takes! I want to be used by You in such a way, that on that final day I'll hear You say: "welldone, good and faithful servant! Come and share your master happiness!"

In the Presence of God: signed by Shirley Moy
This day: 7th November 2005
Scripture verse: Heb 12: 1-2